Ben's Jokes of the Week

 

Joke of the week:
Three strangers at a small airport terminal in the Texas Panhandle are
awaiting their shuttle flight. One is a Native American passing through from
Oklahoma. Another, a local ranch hand on his way to Fort Worth for a stock
show. The third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at
the Texas oil patch from the Middle East. To pass the time they strike up a
conversation on recent events, and the discussion drifts to their diverse
cultures. Soon the Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout radical
Muslim. The conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowpoke leans back
in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big
sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside blows tumbleweeds
and the old windsock flaps, but no plane comes.

Finally, The Native American clears his throat and softly, he speaks: "Once,
my people were many, now we are few".

The radical Muslim raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were
few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Texan shifts the toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the
darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played
Cowboys and Muslims yet."

Religion joke of the week:
A man and his wife were sitting in church, the man was sleeping and his wife was knitting. The priest asked "Who created the Earth and man?" The woman poked the man with her knitting needle and the man screamed, "GOD!" The Priest looked at him and said, "That's right."

Then he asked "Who is God's son?" Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Again, the priest said, "Correct."

Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?" The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed "Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!" The priest smiled and said, "That's right."

Lawyer joke of the week:
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great.   We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way." I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Quickie of the week:
How do you know when a woman's going to say something intelligent?

She starts her sentence with ''My husband told me...''